The Key to Battling Perfectionism

Perfectionism. It is something I see on a near constant basis. I see it in myself, in my clients, and in the people I interact with on a regular basis, both inside and outside of the office. Not only is it pervasive in American culture today, but it is also toxic. Perfectionism happens when you look at something about yourself or something you have done and you focus your attention on everything about it that failed to be perfect.

For example, maybe you have to do a presentation at work. On the day you present, you realize that your favorite outfit is dirty, so you have to wear something else. During the presentation you feel a little nervous, so you repeat yourself a few times. Afterwards your thoughts gravitate toward how you did not look as sharp or speak as confidently as you had planned on. Maybe you end up ruminating over this, and you feel embarrassed, angry, or disappointed with yourself.

What so many people don’t fully realize is that, when they expect themselves to be perfect, they are setting themselves up for failure. The reason they are “never good enough” is not because they are lacking in some way. Quite to the contrary: it is perfectly NORMAL to not be perfect. The only reason perfectionists “fail” is because they are measuring themselves against an unattainable standard.

Let’s revisit the work-presentation scenario. Maybe you know that you tend to have a perfectionistic personality, so you set an intention for yourself on the morning of the presentation: You are going to focus your thoughts on everything you are doing well rather than what you are not doing well.

You are going to measure yourself not against perfection, but against the other end of the spectrum.

That outfit you’re wearing? It’s not Ralph Lauren, but it’s not like you showed up in pajamas. You still look clean cut and professional. And that time you stuttered? Well, you flashed a charming smile afterward that people could have easily found charming and relatable. Not to mention that you just did a presentation! That took time and energy and commitment.

Good for you.