A Shout-Out To Newborn Professionals
When I was a child, my father worked hard as a businessman to provide for our family and, as a result, he wasn’t around much. I was about twelve years old when he was diagnosed with cancer. As he went through the stages of grief over the loss of his former life, he lingered in the anger stage for years. I observed this situation unfold throughout my time in high school, and by the age of seventeen I had come to one sure conclusion: all work and no play is a stupid way to live.
Of course, that is a loaded philosophy to live by as an adolescent about to embark on the adventures of adulthood. Over the next decade, for better or for worse, I would come to realize all of the implications (and complications) that came along with my chosen lifestyle. Additionally, despite his situation, my dad loathed my newfound approach to life; it meant I was rejecting about fifty percent of the wisdom he had to dispense onto me. Needless to say, choosing to stand behind my beliefs has never been an easy task.
Today, as a full-blown adult, I am still often faced with resistance. As an Associate Marriage and Family Therapist, I’ve been pushed time and time again, both by my peers and by my superiors, to sacrifice my own well being in order to achieve a “higher level of success”— in the mental health field, no less! I’ve witnessed as my friends and colleagues have given way to the pressure. Meanwhile, I feel consistently compelled to re-evaluate my own values.
There is an unspoken agreement among professionals that, especially in the newborn stages of a career, we must pay our dues with a certain level of misery and grunt work before we can be rewarded with luxuries. It seems like a reasonable enough rule to go by. My fear is that, while we are in the “newborn stage” of our careers, we also happen to be extremely vulnerable. We admit that we still have a lot to learn, and we are willing to work hard. But when does it cross the line from “working hard” to “self-sacrifice?”
The way I’ve been able to distinguish the difference is really quite simple. Working hard might mean putting in long hours, accepting a steep learning curve, and compromising on some personal preferences—all while getting paid less than other, more seasoned professionals in our fields of work. What it does not mean, however, is being treated with disrespect. It doesn’t mean that our thoughts, feelings, or needs are unimportant for any period of time. Finally, it doesn’t mean giving up playtime.
It took me a long time to learn that working hard is not synonymous with being unhappy. No matter what stage of your career you are in, it is possible to work very hard while also setting clear boundaries and expectations that you are to be treated with respect, that your needs are just as important as everyone else’s, and that at no time will you ever settle for all work and no play. Because, honestly, what even is life if you never get to play?
