"Laziness," Or Difficult Circumstances?

One of the elective classes that I took in grad school was called “Cognitive Behavioral Therapy,” and I have this vivid memory of our professor saying, “Everybody is always trying their best.” When he first said it, my almost reflexive thought was, “Um, not true.” He then went on to provide several examples of people who on the outside may appear to have given up, or may appear to be “lazy,” when in fact the only reason they are behaving that way is because, in that moment, that IS the best they can do. People do not give up because they want to. People give up because they have run out of steam.

You may have noticed that I put quotation marks around the word “lazy,” and that is because “lazy” is a bit of a trigger word for me. I hear people hurl the word around as an insult, either to describe themselves (usually when they’re feeling ashamed) or to describe others (usually out of some kind of frustration). Nine times out of ten, though, I don’t think “lazy” is the most accurate word in these situations. Not only is it inaccurate, often times it actually perpetuates the negative thought-patterns that are contributing to the “lazy” behavior.

I believe that most people have inside of themselves what they need in order to succeed, but negative self-talk can become a huge barrier to accessing one’s inner strength. Another idea that has stuck with me through the years is the idea that “the brain is always listening.” It doesn’t matter if it is just being said casually, playfully, or seriously. Whether someone is telling themselves they are lazy, or someone is hearing from another person that they are lazy, somewhere in the brain that information is being stored at face value—and the more times the brain hears something, the more it will believe it. This can put anybody on the fast track to a self-fulfilling prophecy of underperformance.

I firmly believe that the best way to combat “laziness” is compassion. If it is you that is not performing up to the desired standard, instead of blaming it on laziness, try asking yourself, “What is truly standing in my way?” Is your energy being mentally or emotionally used up somewhere else? Are you afraid of failure? Are you afraid of success? Are you holding yourself back to spite someone? These are all fair questions to ask, and the answer may not be obvious at first. It might take some mulling over. If it is someone else who is not performing up to the desired standard, you can ask the same questions to him or her.

The other quote I remember from my professor was this: “Be curious, not critical.” If you can retrain your brain to assume that the reason for sub-par performance is some kind of obstacle and not an innate lack of adequacy, you will subconsciously be sending a message of compassion. It is almost like asking yourself, “How can I help?” Chances are, by approaching it that way, you’ll be setting yourself up to problem solve, and that may be the first step toward just the kind of empowerment you need.